


All That I'll Ever Be

by missingnolovefic



Series: di'verse [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Angst, Bigender Gavin, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fake AH Crew, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Trans Jack, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, deadnaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10005875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missingnolovefic/pseuds/missingnolovefic
Summary: Jack's mom keeps calling him. He doesn't even know why he answers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: emotionally abusive mother, transphobia (deadnaming, wrong pronouns, insisting it's a 'phase' )  
> If you want to skip the hurt and go staight for the comfort, I marked it with an * for you.
> 
> The talented ryanbiwood drew my bigender headcanon, [check it out!](http://miss-ingno.tumblr.com/post/157230607547/ryanbiwood-a-drawing-inspired-by-this-post-by)

Jack stares at the phone ringing on the counter. His fingers twitch, but he doesn't reach for it. Not yet. Gavin looks up from where the blond is frying sausages in a pan, glancing from him to the phone and back.

“Aren't you gonna take that?” he- _she_ asks, she's wearing the rosegold wristwatch right now. Jack purses his lips.

“I'm not sure yet,” he replies, his voice only shaking a little. Gavin tilts her head, giving him a curious look from under her long lashes. “My mom,” he clarifies.

“Ah,” Gavin says, nodding wisely. She stirs the bangers in the pan, seeming lost in thought. Jack is vividly reminded that Gavin hasn’t come out to her parents - and maybe never will. Jack doesn’t blame her at all, considering.

The phone stops, and he stares at it warily, like it’s a snake lying in wait. It might as well be, for all the venom he expects.

It starts ringing again.

Jack sighs, dragging his palm over his face, and grabs the phone.

“Might as well get it over with,” he grumbles. Gavin shoots him a sympathetic look. Jack takes a deep breathe, then taps the green button. “Pattillo?”

“ _Janice? Darling, it’s me._ ”

“Mom,” Jack greets her shortly. “Is there a reason you’re calling?”

“ _Can’t I just call my only child, or is that a crime now?_ ” A pause. Jack presses his lips together. “ _Maybe it should be, that’s the only thing you seem to be interested in these days._ ”

Jack closes his eyes.

“We’ve talked about that. Maybe it’s best to agree to disagree,” he says softly.

“ _Well. It’s not quite that easy, but we can try._ I _don’t want to make this any more difficult,”_ his mother offers graciously, and it feels like swallowing bile. Deep breaths, Jack tells himself.

“I appreciate that you want to try,” he says diplomatically. “And that you want to stay in contact, Mom, but maybe this isn’t the best-”

“ _I’m calling because I saw you on the news. Almost didn’t recognize you with that ridiculous hair,_ ” his mother interrupts and continues blithely. “ _Really, you should stop wearing those baggy clothes, maybe lose some pounds. You could be so pretty if you just tried, sweetie._ ”

“My looks really aren’t my priority when I’m getting shot at, Mom,” he returns drily, gripping the phone tightly. Across the kitchen isle, Gavin gives him a thumbs up. “Which really, I’m surprised you haven’t yelled at me for yet.”

“ _It’s not like you would listen, is it? Haven’t cared what I think about that in years, why waste my breath?_ ” she snaps, but then her tone shifts to one of misery within seconds.

“ _Oh, what happened to my sweet baby girl?_ ” she whales, and Jack flinches. “ _You used to be so pretty, sweetie, and now look at you._ Listen _to you. You had such a great singing voice, why would you throw all that away?_ ”

“I grew up, Mom,” Jack replies tightly. “I'm happy. Isn't that enough?”

“ _Of course I want you to be happy, darling. Oh,_ _I should never have let you go out with that Ramsey boy, that good-for-nothing hoodlum_ ,” she laments, and Jack closes his eyes, rubbing tiredly at the bridge of his nose. “ _Maybe if you'd found someone_ reasonable _you wouldn't-_ ”

“M _om_ ,” he whines and hates himself a little for it. For some reason, he always falls back into this same pattern when talking to his mother.

“ _Janice_ ,” his mother replies, and his chest constricts only for a second before he can breathe again. “ _Really, don't you think it's time you stopped playing pretend? He's indulging your... your delusions, and it's just not healthy. He's all over the news, these days, and none of it is good- Surely you must understand that I'm worried._ ”

“Mom, I-” Jack exhales sharply, looking up to catch Gavin's eye. The blonde stops stirring the pan and returns his gaze steadily.

“ _He's blackmailing you, isn't he?_ ” His mother's voice lowers into a conspiratorial whisper. “ _He must've paid off those sharks, and now you're in his debt. Oh, I knew those gambling habits of yours would have consequences, I warned you, didn't I? But no, you wouldn't listen- and now look where it's got you._ ”

“With a supportive boyfriend and friends that are better family than my own relatives? How horrible,” Jack snaps, fists clenching and unclenching.

“ _Don't take that tone with me, young lady,_ ” his mother hisses, and he feels the strong urge to shatter the phone against the wall.

“Mom,” he interrupts her before she can lose herself in another rant. “This is getting us nowhere. If all you wanted was to berate my life choices, then we’re done, congratulations.”

“ _Sweetie, I'm trying, but this is hard for me. You must understand. I'd never thought-_ ” She hiccups audibly, and Jack softens against his will. “ _-my baby girl a criminal. With all those brutal murderers and madmen and I just- But I'm trying, for you. You're my daughter, after all._ ”

Jack freezes, expression growing blank. Gavin is watching him worriedly, having abandoned her breakfast to step around the kitchen isle. Jack focusses on her green eyes and reminds himself what true concern looks like. He exhales slowly.

His hand is shaking.

“No, Mom,” he says flatly. “I'm your _son_.”

He hangs up before he can think twice about it, the phone clattering on the countertop as it slips from his limp fingers. He stares at the lit screen until it goes dark, then presses his knuckles against his eyes as he exhales shakily. Why does he still hope? It always ends the same way.

* Slender fingers wrap gently around his wrists, and Gavin pulls his hands away from his face.

“Okay?” she asks, a concerned frown on her face.

“No,” Jack rasps, swallowing hard. He forces himself to smile, for Gavin’s sake. “But I will be.”

Bony arms wrap around him, dragging him into a hug. Gavin lays her head on his shoulder, and Jack embraces her in turn. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words stick in his throat and his breathing hitches. A sob fights its way out, and he buries his head against Gavin’s shoulder.

She pats his back awkwardly, holding him while he shakes apart. She doesn’t say anything, just cards through his hair with gentle fingers, rubs soothing circles on his back.

“It’s alright,” she babbles, full of reassuring nonsense. “You don’t have to be. That’s okay. And it’s okay to cry. Just… just be yourself. That’s the best you can do. And you know what? You taught me that. Because you’re great, and like, if Geoff didn’t already have a claim on the father figure thing I would totally ask you instead. You can be like my weird uncle though. Or maybe not- not relatives considering… Friends? We’re friends, right, so. It’s gonna be alright.”

“Sometimes,” Jack murmurs, and Gavin tightens her arms around him, “Sometimes we love people even when they don’t understand us.”

“Maybe,” Gavin agrees, rubbing Jack’s back. “But the people who really, truly matter. They understand. They actual make an effort trying and- and don’t just say. Things. They don’t say things they know hurt, not intentionally. I mean- We all say shite, and sometimes it hurts but. We don’t do this guilt thing. Because even if we’re mad or it’s just a bad joke, we don’t want to hurt each other. We don’t do that with… with things that matter.”

Jack’s breath hitches, and he leans back to smile sadly at her.

“Thank you, Gav,” he says, brushing her hair out of her face. “Your family, you know that, right? Maybe not blood family but. But better.”

“Family of choice,” Gavin whispers, a small smile tugging at her lips. “ _Ohana_. Nobody gets left behind.”

Jack chuckles tearily.

“Are you quoting Lilo and Stitch at me?” he asks in disbelief, lifting a hand to wipe across his eyes. When he looks again, Gavin is wearing a shit-eating grin.

“C’mon, I made enough breakfast for both of us,” she evades, and Jack snorts.

“I could eat,” he agrees, letting himself be distracted. Gavin grabs two plates for them and fills them up with bangers and scrambled eggs and toast. She puts them down on the isle counter, dropping the dirty pans and utensils in the sink to deal with later. Jack grabs a fork and pushes the food around on his plate, mind miles away.

“Jack,” Gavin speaks up, glancing up at him. Jack hums to show he’s listening, looking up to see her fiddle with the rosegold watch. “You mean a lot to us. To _me_. Just. Just remember that. I know it’s hard, God, I understand. But… you have us, okay? Always.”

“I know,” he promises, smiling gently. “Thank you for being here for me.”

“Always,” she swears.

**Author's Note:**

> I need to do some more research on bigender experiences, but I want to explore Gavin finding him/herself in this series. Also maybe more about Jackeoff in the early stages?
> 
> Leave a comment or come talk to me on tumblr!


End file.
